Intro – I really like Ken’s rendition of the intro. Should keep that, but might experiment with the piano part and the synth solo.
Intro – Also might like to add strings
Intro – wind blowing, shorten that up from about 50 seconds to maybe 15
2nd intro – I like the guitar fading in
2nd intro – piano ornamentals nice, but repetitive, maybe add some new things
Ok, Ok, “slowly walked by” is better! I don’t know what I was ever thinking; “walked slowly by” would sound all wrong.
Quick general note – this song drags and drags and drags! Well, the mood is supposed to be “quiet”, almost languid, but with an edge of expectation. (And don’t ask me how that translates into notes.) Nevertheless, I suggest making the singing a little more crisp, and I will try to think what I can do in the arrangement to wake it up a little.
I would suggest a slightly faster tempo
The birds singing and bells ringing lyrics should be changed I think. Or maybe just the bells ringing part.
(Maybe something about the birds being silent and watchful. That would give it the edge.)
The first 2 lines of each verse repeat the sequence A Am Em. Kind of repetitive, so might change the 2nd line each verse to A B7 Em (or Am B7 Em or A Bm7 Em or Am D Em)
I also think a melody change to avoid repetition between line 1 and 2 would help. The current melody makes a good line 2, so maybe something else for line 1.
Not sure how I feel about the fade-in organ part. Might change the voice (i.e. instrument), or might come up with a different part there
Some high strings (maybe combined with a sustained ultra-low bass note) would add the dramatic “expectant” edge. Maybe bring something like that in towards the end.
As the song ends, how about some distant thunder? And maybe the sound of a few rain drops splattering?
Bass is mixed too low
Like several of our songs, this one has no bridge. Just 3 verses in a row. We should probably put a bridge between verse 2 and 3 to break up the repetition.
The extra 2 beats in “there’s a feeling of dread, what can it all mean?”, can stay. They make sense in some weird way.